I love taking care of my lawn. The mowing, the fertilizing, the seeding – all of it. I get great gratification in making my grass shorter, my edges sharper. My lawn fills me with a sense of pride.

I probably can’t say the same for my neighbors. They don’t seem to care much about their lawn. Perhaps they accomplish that sense of pride in another way. Whatever. I know it’s not from mowing. It can’t be! Because they never mow.

One day I decided to “motivate” my neighbors into mowing their lawn, seeing as it had been weeks since they had done anything in the yard. So when I got to the front yard, the side that butts up against their property, I lowered the mower extra low and cut my grass extra short to show how extra tall their grass had gotten. I was hoping they’d see how bad their lawn really looked in comparison to my immaculately cared for landscaping and actually do something about it – like mow.

Guess what? It worked!

The very next day I heard the unmistakable whir of a lawn mower. I ran to the window and peaked out. There was my neighbor, sweating in the mid-August sun and cutting their lawn! Success!

What was I really doing? I was using shame to get what I wanted. I was shaming my neighbor into mowing their lawn according to my own desires and expectations. So let’s face it, I’m a horrible neighbor. But I’m now a neighbor who doesn’t have to look at an unsightly lawn.

We use shame all the time to motivate people. Those before/after photos on the P90X commercials are all about shame. Talk shows like Dr. Phil are all about shame. Pinterest! Pinterest is all about shame. You’re not a real mom unless you macramé the DIY picture frame to put your kids first-day-of-school pictures in.

But if shame is such a great motivator, why doesn’t God use it? You may think he does because you hear about shame a lot at church or in Christian blogs online. But when I read the Bible, I don’t see God using shame. He uses something else all together. And you can’t get out of the first story in the Bible before you see it.

In Genesis 3 Adam and Eve mess up big time. They do the one thing God told them not to do. And their response? They feel shame. They go and hide from God. But what does God do? He comes looking for them! Instead of shame, God uses love – the love of a father looking for his children. They felt shame and it drove them away from their creator. But when people feel shame, God comes looking for them.

When we play the shame game, no one wins. But we play it anyway, don’t we? We play it because of one solid fact: It Works! It worked with my neighbor, it usually works with our kids, and it definitely works with our employees. But just because it works doesn’t mean it’s actually good. Take a look at how God thinks about shame:

“Instead of your shame
you will receive a double portion,
and instead of disgrace
you will rejoice in your inheritance.
And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,
and everlasting joy will be yours.”

Isaiah 61:7

Instead of shame, God uses love – loving us through his grace and accepting us into his family! And it’s a double portion! Not just a little or one helping of grace. He piles on the grace and tells us to come back for seconds!

When we finally see that God’s love has released us from shame, maybe we can stop using shame on others. Maybe we can start leading with grace because it works too. But it works double time. When you’re shamed, you may start to behave better. But you behave better when you receive grace too. The difference is shame drives us away but grace draws us near. Shame terminates a relationship but grace increases our capacity to love and be loved.

When have you felt shame recently? Did you deserve it? How about the last time you shamed someone else. What could you have done differently?

My dog is the worst. This summer she dug up flowers, tomato plants, and part of a tree stump. Then, while tossing her a Frisbee, she went rogue and tore up that too! She’s the worst! She shreds her tennis balls, dumps our trash, and barks at the slightest sound from outside.

My dog is the worst…but she’s also wonderful. My kids think she’s wonderful when she cuddles with them in bed on a lazy Saturday morning. My wife thinks the way she wiggles when she greets us at the door is wonderful. And I think it’s wonderful that she’s only ever content when I’m home, faithfully at my side and confirming me as alpha male. I love her! My dog is the worst most wonderful dog in the world.

We, as people, are really the worst. I know I can be. For all my good marks, there are the bad ones too. I suffer from the lazy. I’d much rather sit on the couch with a bag of chips and an old movie on than do just about anything else around the house or outside the house. I also say things that I shouldn’t say when I shouldn’t say them. That’s just two things on a long list that make me the worst.

Kids are the worst too, aren’t they? If you’re a teacher you know this is true. There’s at least one kid in class who is the worst! He’s loud and disruptive. He’s constantly sent to the counselor’s office because of his behavior. He drops pencils in the middle of tests, writes cuss words in all the text books, and tries to poison the class hamster just for fun. And when you call his parents in to talk about it, what do they do? Nothing. Why? Because they think he’s just wonderful.

But we are wonderful. I know I’m wonderful because I’m a child of God and he tells me I’m wonderful. It’s not that my good points outweigh my bad points. It’s not that God just ignores all my bad points. It’s that I may be the worst, but I’m also wonderful and that’s what God cares about. I’m the worst most wonderful

There was a man in the Bible who was the worst most wonderful. His name was David and he was a great king. But he was pretty bad too. He was a man of warfare whose hands were so stained by blood that God said he couldn’t build the temple. He was a liar and a cheat. He slept with his good friend’s wife, then had the guy killed to cover it up! The worst!

But he was also wonderful. He wrote many of the Psalms that we still sing today, songs of praise and love to God. I always think of David as chosen, the one anointed by God to be king. And because he was anointed he was going to be accepted by God no matter what. Like that parent who won’t accept their kid is a troublemaker because he’s so wonderful around the house.

I’ve often heard that he was considered the “apple of God’s eye.” Do you know where that comes from? I always assumed that some prophet told David, “You are the apple of God’s eye!” Or maybe God himself spoke it to good King David in a dream. But then one day I found it in the Bible. It’s in Psalm 17.

⁶ I call on you, my God, for you will answer me;
turn your ear to me and hear my prayer.
⁷ Show me the wonders of your great love,
you who save by your right hand
those who take refuge in you from their foes.
⁸ Keep me as the apple of your eye;
hide me in the shadow of your wings

Did you catch it? He wasn’t told that he was the apple of God’s eye. He asked God to make him the apple of his eye. He was the apple of God’s eye because he asked to be. And God responded by telling him, “You’re my son and your throne will last forever!”

David wasn’t the apple of God’s eye because he met some supernatural checklist or because he was such a good person. God didn’t take all of David’s good stuff and outweigh it over his bad stuff. Nor did he ignore David’s bad stuff. God didn’t give David some special ability to follow every single commandment in Deuteronomy either. No, David was the apple of God’s eye because God loved him. And God loves you.

Whenever you feel like the worst – whether it’s from someone else trying to make you feel that way or your own emotions leading you down that path – remember that you’re wonderful too! God is like that parent of a problem child, looking at you every time you screw up, and saying, “Yeah, but you’re wonderful to me.” God loves you. He sees the wonderful in you when it’s hidden under the worst. He knows you better than he knows yourself, so he knows your potential and your promise. He knows all of it and he loves you. Because you are the worst most wonderful to God.

How have you felt rejected by people in the past, made to feel like you’re the worst? How has God made you feel wonderful?